Can you really shield them from the pain?

Below is a poem that my 14-year-old son Jared wrote for his English class. Jared had just turned 11 when we got the call to foster Nevaeh. He also shares her birthday. This picture was taken the day I brought her home.

Foster Adoption

Is she right for us?

Sitting on a bench in the happiest place on earth, we received a phone call to help a child who was beaten shortly after birth,

Her parents would abuse her when she wouldn’t be quite,

Our family made a decision that we would help her with all our might.

Are we right for her?

Nevaeh entered our home as a new foster child,

Her love for us was scarcely mild,

She kicked and screamed and wanted her mommy,

And my family seemed to be turning into zombies.

Will it get better?

Nevaeh started to bond with us and we bonded with her,

Our family now loves this child for sure,

She is now calming down; she knows she’s safe with us,

Her parents are still allowed visitation so take her to them we must.

Who will keep her?

Her parents are improving and Nevaeh must now stay with them over night,

On the drive to their home our hearts beat ten times faster because of fright,

Thoughts raced through my head: Will they beat her again, will she be okay, will she still be alive to see the light of day?

One year later, Nevaeh is still visiting her parents,

The family who will keep her was still undecided,

We thought for sure Nevaeh’s biological parents would be the ones to keep her.

She IS right for us:

One day we got a phone call from Nevaeh’s new and improved parents,

They told us they would give us possession of her but they would still like visitation,

Tears in our eyes, we arrived at court,

Nevaeh is now legally ours.

We ARE right for her:

After two and a half years of waiting,

Our excitement of our new family member almost led to fainting,

Angels is the foster agency all this happened in,

And Nevaeh is the angel that we finally did win.

This picture was taken on Nevaeh's 3rd birthday and Jared's 14th birthday

Up until 2 days ago, when Jared got up in front of our church congregation to bare his testimony, I had no idea of the impact that the whole foster care process had on him. I watched this young man, wise beyond his years, get up and fight back tears as he told of his experience in the temple and the joy of knowing that Nevaeh would be a part of our family forever. 

Jared had asked me a few times during the foster process if I thought we would be able to keep Nevaeh. We had talked some about how it was very possible that she could return to live with her birth family since that was the goal of foster care. We had talked about loving her even though it would hurt to lose her. But I would always go to my room to quietly cry about the pain I felt. I know realize that my son was hiding his pain from me too. 

Foster care is such an amazing journey. There is no way you can be a good foster parent and not completely love the child that is in your care. There is no way you can know the birth parents for two years and not feel sorrow and compassion for them. There is really no way that you can shield anyone from the pain of the process. 

It is just part of the process. 

One year of relief

Today marks the one year anniversary of "The Phone Call". This month has been really weird for me, as I for some reason have been reliving the stress of last year's July. I have been really unmotivated and depressed lately and I think it has to do with thinking about everything that happened last year. How grateful I feel today to realize that B and M made the most painful decision of their lives and yet it was one of the happiest days for us. We will forever be grateful to them for allowing us to raise Nevaeh. She brings us such joy and happiness. Yet I still feel so sorry for them. They are homeless now and whenever I take her to see them I see such pain in their eyes. I really wish that our joy didn't have to bring them so much pain. So of course I can't help but think of Nevaeh's favorite song from Wicked.
That's why I couldn't be happier - No, I couldn't be happier - Though it is, I admit - The tiniest bit unlike I anticipated - But I couldn't be happier - Simply couldn't be happier - Well - not "simply -'Cause getting your dreams it's strange, but it seems a little - well - complicated. There's a kind of a sort of - cost. There's a couple of things get - lost. There are bridges you crossed you didn't know you crossed until you've crossed. And if that joy, that thrill - Doesn't thrill you like you think it will - Still - With this perfect finale the cheers and ballyhoo. Who wouldn't be happier? So I couldn't be happier. Because happy is what happens
When all your dreams come true. Well, isn't it? Happy is what happens when your dreams come true!

For Good Video of Nevaeh

This video is dedicated to all my Angel Family Friends who have had to love and let go. To everyone who has had an Angel baby leave a handprint on their heart and cried because they might never know how their story ends. To all who have been changed for the better and for good by the smiles and laughter an Angel baby brings to your home. And to everyone who knows they have made a change for good in the life of a child by providing unconditional love at a time that is so crucial in a baby's life.

I made this video for our family one year ago when we thought our Angel was going back to her birth parents. I had my friend take the last set of pictures for me right before Nevaeh started having overnight visits. This Angel baby gets to stay with us forever but I will always hold a special place in my heart for the other two who returned home.

Thank you Angel Family for your love and support and for all you do for these beautiful children. May you always know you have changed a baby's life for good even if you only loved them for a short while.