Can you really shield them from the pain?

Below is a poem that my 14-year-old son Jared wrote for his English class. Jared had just turned 11 when we got the call to foster Nevaeh. He also shares her birthday. This picture was taken the day I brought her home.

Foster Adoption

Is she right for us?

Sitting on a bench in the happiest place on earth, we received a phone call to help a child who was beaten shortly after birth,

Her parents would abuse her when she wouldn’t be quite,

Our family made a decision that we would help her with all our might.

Are we right for her?

Nevaeh entered our home as a new foster child,

Her love for us was scarcely mild,

She kicked and screamed and wanted her mommy,

And my family seemed to be turning into zombies.

Will it get better?

Nevaeh started to bond with us and we bonded with her,

Our family now loves this child for sure,

She is now calming down; she knows she’s safe with us,

Her parents are still allowed visitation so take her to them we must.

Who will keep her?

Her parents are improving and Nevaeh must now stay with them over night,

On the drive to their home our hearts beat ten times faster because of fright,

Thoughts raced through my head: Will they beat her again, will she be okay, will she still be alive to see the light of day?

One year later, Nevaeh is still visiting her parents,

The family who will keep her was still undecided,

We thought for sure Nevaeh’s biological parents would be the ones to keep her.

She IS right for us:

One day we got a phone call from Nevaeh’s new and improved parents,

They told us they would give us possession of her but they would still like visitation,

Tears in our eyes, we arrived at court,

Nevaeh is now legally ours.

We ARE right for her:

After two and a half years of waiting,

Our excitement of our new family member almost led to fainting,

Angels is the foster agency all this happened in,

And Nevaeh is the angel that we finally did win.

This picture was taken on Nevaeh's 3rd birthday and Jared's 14th birthday

Up until 2 days ago, when Jared got up in front of our church congregation to bare his testimony, I had no idea of the impact that the whole foster care process had on him. I watched this young man, wise beyond his years, get up and fight back tears as he told of his experience in the temple and the joy of knowing that Nevaeh would be a part of our family forever. 

Jared had asked me a few times during the foster process if I thought we would be able to keep Nevaeh. We had talked some about how it was very possible that she could return to live with her birth family since that was the goal of foster care. We had talked about loving her even though it would hurt to lose her. But I would always go to my room to quietly cry about the pain I felt. I know realize that my son was hiding his pain from me too. 

Foster care is such an amazing journey. There is no way you can be a good foster parent and not completely love the child that is in your care. There is no way you can know the birth parents for two years and not feel sorrow and compassion for them. There is really no way that you can shield anyone from the pain of the process. 

It is just part of the process.