December 3, 2008
I really thought I would be better about writing in a journal this way because I spend so much time on the computer. I guess it is a little harder knowing that people are reading my inner most personal thoughts while I am alive instead of after I am dead.
Other than being extremely busy with every day life not much has changed. I have been busy teaching the boys and trying to keep up with them while adding a baby's schedule to our hectic lives. And my mind has been at ease because Nevaeh's next court date is not until February. So I figured we would just sit back and enjoy the Holidays without worrying what would happen until then.
She still has her weekly visit with mom and dad and mom even gets to see her unsupervised for 1 whole hour a week. She usually walks to McDonalds with her. On her last visit with mom, I found out that dad walks to McDonalds with them because it is on his way home. This is in direct violation of his court order. Dad is not allowed to be with the baby unsupervised under any circumstances. So I called the social worker on Monday and left a message for her to let her know what was going on. The social worker called me this morning and I explained the situation. She said she would check into it and that she was not feeling good about having Nevaeh return to live with her parents but that she really did not feel like she had a good enough case to keep it from happening. She said it would be interesting to see what happens over the next 2 months and that she would document everything she could but didn't feel like she had much of a case.
I am frustrated with her mom and dad and the court system for allowing them to take so long to get their act together. We knew it could take up to 18 months but I guess I really thought it wouldn't go that long. Her mom and dad still haven't started taking their child abuse classes yet and it has been 11 months. But as long as they start taking them before February they will be following court orders and the court will extend them another few months or just reunite them with her because they started taking the classes.
Last time I wrote about at tape I had and a song that reminded me of Nevaeh. There were actually 2 songs on the tape that I would listen to and several weeks ago I listened to the other one. All of a sudden I heard it in a different way also. I no longer thought of it as a special needs child song but instead of a special situation song. It too made sense to me as to why the song had touched me so long ago.
I don't know why I can hear Heavenly Father's voice so much louder in music but for some reason I always end up feeling like He is speaking to me and it comforts me to know He is aware of my situation and will help me through. The song reminds we of that night in the hospital room when we had our baby that we knew would not be coming home to live with us. How we decided on a different plan to adopt a child that needed a home instead of continuing to try and have a daughter of our own and how we dream smaller dreams of month to month time with Nevaeh instead of eternity. I feel as though we have journeyed to places that few people will ever journey or understand. The joy is definitely in the journey and I would not go back and change it for anything. So we will enjoy the Holidays and live in the now because we really don't know what tomorrow will bring - only that God knows and that we need to trust in Him. Here are the words to the song
Far Different Places 
A husband, a wife, a simple plan for life --Love in our home, A child of our own. Then a lullaby tune from a hospital room - As hushed voices whispered the news. Just a simple exchange, yet everything changed - And I think in that moment we knew. Our journey would take us to far different places then we had ever dreamed. Our journey would take us to sad, lonely places that some have never seen. Places with a different kind of beauty, a special place apart. Touching far different places in our hearts.
A woman, a man, a very different plan - Blessing to earn, and so much to learn. For this child that we love, entrusted to us, would help us be all we could be. God made no mistake, and though our hearts ached, He touched us and helped us to see.
Our journey would take us to far different places then we had ever dreamed. Our journey would take us to sad, lonely places that some have never seen. Places with a different kind of beauty, a special place apart. Touching far different places in our hearts.
So now we dream much smaller dreams, finding joy in simple things. A word, a smile can lift us up so high. Sometimes we laugh, sometimes we cry, But even in the sweetest times we've come to realize.
Our journey would take us to far different places then we had ever dreamed. Our journey would take us to sad, lonely places that some have never seen. Places with a different kind of beauty, a special place apart. Touching far different places in our hearts.
Thanks for reading and sharing in our journey.
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