Making Many Memories

Everyday we are Making Many Memories that we will treasure forever.

Monday, October 31, 2011

Happy Halloween with Daddy B

I'm afraid I haven't been very good about keeping up on my personal blog. The adoption has kind of taken up any extra time that I seem to have.

But today I took Nevaeh for her visit with her birth dad, Daddy B, and I wanted to make sure I blogged about it before I forgot.

You see, birth parent visits are getting harder for me. Especially now that I am so busy with the new adoption. Nevaeh was supposed to see Daddy B on her birthday but I forgot to even call him. It happens to be my son, Jared's, birthday too and I just got busy. Plus Daddy B works odd hours and I would always remember to call him when he was at work. So unfortunately, 1 month went by after her birthday without a phone call from us. I was actually a little afraid to call. I was feeling pretty guilty.

But when I did call, Daddy B made we remember why it is I want Nevaeh to still have a relationship with her. He apologized for not calling us. He told me he had lost his job and his phone had been turned off around her birthday. I told him I would love to bring her for Halloween so he could see her in her cute costume.

So we showed up at the local McDonald's, 15 minutes late like usual (although this time it was because I was picking up really cute pictures of her to give to him). He was waiting for her with open arms and presents.

I really dont' care if he brings presents because I know that he doesn't have any extra money. But the fact that he makes an effort to be part of her life and brings things he thinks she would be interested in really impresses me.

When we got there I asked if he wanted lunch and he said he had already eaten. He then gave me a gift card to McDonald's that his mother wanted us to have. And he kept thanking me for taking the time to bring Nevaeh to see him.

This is a completely different type of visit than what we have with Mommy M, birth mom. As a matter of fact, we did visit with her before Nevaeh's birthday, on Mommy M's birthday, and I choose not to blog about it :(  So I am so excited to see that now that Mommy M is out of Daddy B's life he is not selfish at all and really cares about Nevaeh.

They spent some time putting the puzzle he brought for her together.

And of course Nevaeh's favorite part was being pushed around in the highchair like it was a ride at Disneyland.

So although my day was super busy and on the way there I was grumbling to myself about having to fit this visit into my day, I am so glad that we went. Because this child is loved by so many people. And I always want her to know that.  Even if it means making me feel awkward or inconvenienced at times.

As a side note, I did try to call Mommy M to get her pictures to her but her phone has been disconnected again too. But that relationship still needs a lot of help. The next phone call with her will probably be an uncomfortable one as I have decided she has to meet us in a public place from now on. She has too many people in and out of her life and I think some of them do drugs, as she may be doing again due to very rapid weight loss. So meeting her at her apartment or driving her in my car is not an option anymore. I'm sure that is not going to go over well with her but I can't chance it.

And speaking of awkward, Daddy B asked for our address today. He was saying how he wanted to be able to send a card to Nevaeh in case he didn't have a phone again. Not real sure how I feel about that one. I skirted the issue by saying I would text it to him later.

Sometimes I feel so alone in this open adoption relationship thing. It is very different than your typical open adoption. These people have served time in prison. They have substance abuse issues. Just not feeling real comfortable about letting them know where we live. But how do you keep a good relationship and tell someone that?

So after our visit today we came home and went trick or treating. Nevaeh had a blast and Steve and I had a hard time keeping up with her. It will be very interesting next year when we are trying to keep up with two of them. We might have to recruit the older brothers to help out.

Happy Halloween


Katelyn Krum Shaw said...

you aren't at all alone! My son's birth mother has also made poor choices in her life and continues to. I understand where you are coming from. I commend you for keeping up with the visits.

Holly said...

I can understand some of your concerns with them knowing your address...what about if you set up a PO Box?