Tomorrow I will take Nevaeh to see B and M and her Grandma N. I made a book for all of them for Christmas this year. I wanted them to have something that showed both of our families in the same book. All the other books that I have given them only show them with Nevaeh. I am hoping this book goes over okay with them and they will be able to see that she can love both families.
I got a call from Grandma W(lives back East) and she was thrilled with it. She has always been so grateful for any pictures and information that I send about Nevaeh. Nevaeh spoke to all of them on Christmas Day. It is cute to hear her on the phone as she tries to explain to them all the things she is looking at.
There are still times when I wonder if I am doing the right thing by taking her to visit them. There are times that part of me wants her to just be my daughter. To just pretend that the other life doesn't exist. When I read about other open adoptions and they speak of the birth parents it is with such love and excitement to go and visit. The people I am trying to keep in her life are not part of a Norman Rockwell painting. I am not afraid to be around them and they have never given me cause to be but I wouldn't have picked them out as friends in any other situation.
I am dreading tomorrow because we are just hanging out in the motel room with 4 cats, B and M, Grandma N and a lady that has been helping them stay in a motel instead of being homeless.So for 2 hours I will have to try and keep Nevaeh from picking up the cats and playing in the litter box.
I am excited to give them their Lego Land tickets that I got for free because I would much rather hang out with them at an amusement park. Although, Nevaeh is so stinky lately when we go places. She definitely has a temper and can throw some huge fits. So that always makes it hard because I feel as though I am being judged.
But for some reason I still feel it is so important that she sees them. I really do hope I am doing the right thing.