Making Many Memories

Everyday we are Making Many Memories that we will treasure forever.

Monday, November 29, 2010

Thanksgiving Visit with Birth Parents

I decided to take Nevaeh to see B and M the Monday after Thanksgiving. I figured since I had to take Jacob for his robotics team practice and it was only 15 minutes from them I should really make the effort. Nevaeh had a great time running around the playground with B(birth dad) and he always seem to have so much fun with him. M(birth mom) on the other hand was really more interested in telling me how they were acquiring another cat. This will bring their total up to 3 cats that live with them in the motel room.

On our way back to the car we met a lady and her dog. I guess they knew the dog and use to have a dog that would play with it. They didn't know the lady. Nevaeh was very excited about petting the dog and M introduced Nevaeh as our daughter. I'm not sure who the "our" was that she was referring to. She may have just meant her and B or she could very well have meant all of us. Either way it was the first time I felt comfortable with her calling Nevaeh OUR daughter. The last time we were together someone at McDonald's asked us who's child she was. I responded very quickly "mine".

It's weird that for the first 2 years of Nevaeh's life she was THEIR daughter. And then for a while I considered her Steve and my daughter and they would be like an aunt and uncle. But really, they won't even be that to her. But they will always be her birth mom and birth dad and it felt right for them to say OUR daughter.

After our 30 minute trip to the park I took them to get Taco Bell for dinner. We needed to get back to the motel so the lady could drop off the new cat. This is when things get hard for me. Nevaeh is not a clingy or passive little girl. She is extremely active and outgoing. They thought it would be great fun for her to play with the cats. The cats on the other hand did not agree. Nevaeh kept picking them up and squeezing them too hard. I was tired and didn't feel like having to deal with it. I don't mind when we are at the park or an eating place with a play area because she can run around and be herself. But in their room she kept picking up things she wasn't suppose to. She was even trying to clean the poop out of the kitty box. I could tell she was making M really nervous.

Next we made calls to grandmas. I think this was the highlight for B and M. Each of them called their mothers and had Nevaeh talk to them on the phone. Of course Nevaeh was her cute outgoing self and said things like "love you grandma" and "miss you" and blew kisses. This made both grandmas cry and in return B and M got all teary eyed.  Nevaeh thinks that anyone who looks over 60 is a grandma and grandpa and will run up to them and hug them but I didn't tell any of them that. She really is too young to understand who these people really are. Hopefully hearing her voice while she was visiting B and M was a comfort to the grandmas. I sure their hearts are aching that they will never get to be real grandparents to her.

B and M are still living in a motel room thanks to the generosity of a lady who met them while they were homeless. It amazes me that there are still very generous people out there. I was thinking that it cost them about $800.00 a month to live there but apparently it cost $1,600.00. I do really feel bad that I can't co-sign on an apartment for them. It's just not a chance I am willing to take. I am hopeful they get the mobile home they are looking at. Especially since they are suppose to be getting a dog too and their rent will go down dramatically.

We are schedule to go back the Monday after Christmas. This time we will be going to B's mom's trailer. I'm really not looking forward to it but this grandma isn't very mobile so it is hard for her to get around town. They asked me about what kind of things she likes so they can get her gifts. This is really a hard one for me. I want her to get gifts from them so she knows they care about her but she needs nothing and they are so poor. I hate to see them spend money on a toy that will just get thrown in the closet and be broke within a week. Then there is a part of me that thinks "If they can spend money on cigarettes than they can afford to buy their daughter a gift for Christmas."

At the end of the visit they asked me to search for siblings for them. It was sad to be reminded once again of the hard lives they lead as children. I don't know if their siblings want them to get a hold of them but I am trying to locate them. Maybe being in contact with them will help heal some wounds.

It feels good to be home and not have to deal with their drama for another month. I really do wish them the best of luck on getting their lives in order. And everyday I thank them in my heart for the most beautiful gift that anyone on earth has every given me. I guess they are growing on me.

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