In my attempt to help others save the one, I have decided that every Monday and Friday I will be posting pictures of children who are in need of forever families.
Brenda, of Another Small Adventure, post pictures of children who are in the foster care system and available for adoption on her blog every Monday. I will provide a link to her blog so others can share with their friends and families those children who are in need of a home.
I honestly believe that most families out their could find such joy in adopting a child into their lives. They just need to find that perfect child for their family and be made aware of them. This is my goal. To make every family aware.
We do not have to concentrate on the masses, just look to save the one.
A few years ago my husband and I were having a conversation about a talk we head in church. A man told a story about another man who was doing incredible acts of service and helping people all around the world. That night, my husband and I started to discuss the talk. My husband made the comment that he wished he could be more like that man and needed to look for more opportunities to serve others in a grander way. He was feeling really down that he didn't have the time or resources to do more.
I then commented that the man was helping the masses but we were saving the one. He looked at me confused. I tried to explain what I meant. It was great that this individual was helping so many people by providing them clean drinking water and medical care. It was wonderful that he was using his fortune to help the less fortunate. But what we were doing was really important too.
I asked my husband how many he people he knew who had taken in a foster child and loved them like their own. How many people did he know who were willing to love a child for 18 months, clean up their throw up, change their poopy diapers, play with them, love them and drive them back and forth to do parental visits twice a week with parents that had them taken away because they had been accused of beating and shaking them.
We were in the process of saving the one. No one would write stories about us or call to interview us for what we were doing. No one in our large society would ever really even know what we had done.
Now you may ask how it is that we saved Nevaeh. Surely someone else would have stepped forward to adopt her sooner or later. After all she is really adorable. It always amazed me that while she was our foster daughter people would comment "I'll adopt her." The thing was that Nevaeh never had a lack of people who wanted her. Her birth parents were trying their hardest to get her back and we of course we growing more attached to her by the minute.
But as foster parents our job was to love her like our own while realizing that she belonged to someone else. When she did finally come up for adoption we were informed that there were over 75 people on a waiting list who would gladly give her a home.
So what did we save her from? How were we any different than these other people?
We took the risk. We agreed to care for her and love her for up to 2 years without knowing if we would be able to adopt her or if she would return to a life that we wouldn't wish on a dog. We cried and prayed for her safety when we had to leave her for overnight visits at the halfway house. And comforted her when she returned to us and had night terrors about those visits.
We had many people tell us "I don't know how you do it. I could never love a child and have to give them back."
That is why so many babies in the foster care system get bounced around. Not many people are willing to take that risk. They want to wait until the baby is already freed for adoption. Which, like Nevaeh's case, takes about 2 years. In the mean time, those little babies are bounced around from foster home to foster home never learning how to bound.
Of course, I look at my beautiful daughter and think of how much joy she has brought to our lives. I don't really look at it as saving her but really we did. Since we have adopted her, her birth parents have been homeless, have lived in a motel for a while, have had domestic violence where one of them ended up in jail and the other one looked pretty beat up. That would have been her life. Instead she is our spoiled princess who gets up every morning and ask when we are going to Disneyland again to ride the spinny cups and when does she get to see Minnie Mouse again.
The other night this topic of helping the masses came up again in our house. This sports player has done incredible stuff for the masses. My husband talk about how he wished he had the money and the resources to fly off to Russia and help the orphans.
In my mind I had to laugh. Here my husband was once again wanting to help the masses and I was looking to save the one. I had been looking at all these sweet faces on Reeces Rainbow and thinking of how many of these children with down syndrome need a home. How many of them will be looked over? How many will go to institutions while a whole group of people wait on list for their perfect child? What amazed me was the people who are adopting them. These people either already had children with downs or have adopted many times before. They are scrapping together all the money they can to pay the ransom on these precious little ones. Below you can see a small glimpse of what it is like for them once they go to the institution.
So I have decided to concentrate on saving the one. I may not be able to go over and bring a child home right now, but I can raise money for those who are and I can raise awareness for those who are looking to adopt and hoping that they will look this way. The plight of the special needs orphan has become my challenge, and I hope I can make a difference even if it is only saving the one.
Tomorrow I will take Nevaeh to see B and M and her Grandma N. I made a book for all of them for Christmas this year. I wanted them to have something that showed both of our families in the same book. All the other books that I have given them only show them with Nevaeh. I am hoping this book goes over okay with them and they will be able to see that she can love both families.
I got a call from Grandma W(lives back East) and she was thrilled with it. She has always been so grateful for any pictures and information that I send about Nevaeh. Nevaeh spoke to all of them on Christmas Day. It is cute to hear her on the phone as she tries to explain to them all the things she is looking at.
There are still times when I wonder if I am doing the right thing by taking her to visit them. There are times that part of me wants her to just be my daughter. To just pretend that the other life doesn't exist. When I read about other open adoptions and they speak of the birth parents it is with such love and excitement to go and visit. The people I am trying to keep in her life are not part of a Norman Rockwell painting. I am not afraid to be around them and they have never given me cause to be but I wouldn't have picked them out as friends in any other situation.
I am dreading tomorrow because we are just hanging out in the motel room with 4 cats, B and M, Grandma N and a lady that has been helping them stay in a motel instead of being homeless.So for 2 hours I will have to try and keep Nevaeh from picking up the cats and playing in the litter box.
I am excited to give them their Lego Land tickets that I got for free because I would much rather hang out with them at an amusement park. Although, Nevaeh is so stinky lately when we go places. She definitely has a temper and can throw some huge fits. So that always makes it hard because I feel as though I am being judged.
But for some reason I still feel it is so important that she sees them. I really do hope I am doing the right thing.
I had never really thought about this until I was asked to write down my feelings about my children and how I felt when they were born.
Sister Wilson asked this:
"Alright my friends, the Bishop has asked me to give the youth fireside this upcoming Sunday on the birth of the Savior and its effect on our lives today. As I have read through the accounts and prophesies what touches me most is Mary, His mother, and her love for her baby. Her willingness, her eye witness, and her feelings are summed up in this verse in Luke 2:19 "But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart." While I am sure there were spiritual manifestations she was priveleged too, I believe each of us has had a measure of the same feeling as we became mothers whether we gave birth to our child physically or they were born in our hearts.
If you would be willing to share with me a recollection of your thoughts or tender feeling of becoming a mother (whether it was your 1st or 6th I know each is as if it were the 1st time), or of greeting your child for the 1st time, or the hopes in your heart for your baby.
Each of you have touched my life and the Spirit filled my heart as I thought of your children and the privelege they have to have you for their mothers."
Here is my response:
"My take on it is going to be a little different and you don't have to use it if you don't want to. I know you asked about my feelings as a mother but I thought I would write a little about the feelings a father has towards a child - Even an adopted child.
I hadn't really thought much about it until you asked these questions but Jesus was adopted. His earthly father (Joseph) was not his biological father. Yet he raised him and treated him as such. He was chosen to be his earthly father just as much as Mary was chosen to be his earthly mother. Yet he had no biological ties to him and he knew this. As adoptive parents, Steve and I feel Heavenly Father chose us to be Nevaeh's parents just as Joseph and Mary were chosen to be Jesus'.
I imagine the enormous weight Jospeh must have felt knowing that he was raising the son of God and knowing that this was not his biological child. Yet I am sure that his love for Jesus was no different than it was towards his other children who were biologically.
I remember the day I placed Nevaeh in Steve’s arms for the first time. The look on his face was just as precious as the first time he held one of our boys. The more I watch them together the more I see the bond between them is very strong. No one would ever guess that she is not flesh of his flesh or blood of his blood. And Jesus example shows that it doesn’t matter. We all have the same Heavenly Mother and Heavenly Father. The biological aspect is just how we get to this earth. There are many other factors that determine who we consider our earthly parents"
Just follow the link below until December 26, 2010 - 8:59 p.m. Pacific Standard Time . That is the last day to vote. And then you can feel really good knowing that you gave an orphan and her family the best Christmas gift ever.
I have been following the blog of the Fillmore family since Thanksgiving time and my heart has been touched by the love that they have for a little down syndrome girl that they just recently met for the first time.
There are so many different roads to adoption and although I hope that people will always look to the United States and county adoption first, I know that God leads adoptive parents to their children and a lot of times he leads them overseas. I know for a fact that He does lead them and they end up with the child that they are suppose to have be part of their family.
All adoptions have their challenges. Our challenge was taking in a baby and watching her grow into a beautiful active toddler all while not knowing where she was going to end up. This family's challenge is in dealing with a foreign country and trying to raise the incredible amount of money it takes to bring one of these children home. On top of that, they are getting a child that they will have to provide for the rest of her life. They will get no government assistance and yet they are still willing to more forward with the adoption.
We had no financial challenges with our adoption. You, the tax payer, paid for it all. You, the tax payer, continue to provide financial assistance for her. And you will continue to do so until she turns 18 years old. I thank you immensely for that.
For some reason, my heart cannot stop thinking about this family and the overwhelming financial responsibility they have to come.
So I came up with a small solution. I entered my very adorable Nevaeh in one of those cheesy photo contest where they pay $250.00 if she wins. I have been wanting to do so since the day we got her (which happens to be 3 years ago - December 13th). My plan is to donate the money to the Fillmores and if I do so through Reece's Rainbow my husbands company will match it. That's $500.00 towards their $13,000.00 goal.
Here is where all of you come in. I know that money is tight and that there are so many good causes out there to give money to. But you don't have to give money. All you have to do is admit that my daughter is the cutest kid this week. Next week your kids can go back to being the cutest. You just have to go everyday and vote for her. You do not have to sign up for anything or enter a cell phone number either. You do have to put in the password they supply which is usually some sort of ad slogan. It would also be helpful if you were to post this on your blogs, your facebook pages and anywhere else you can think of please. Otherwise we won't get enough votes.
